And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
