just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
