I didn't shave. On purpose
Pants 0. Shit 1.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
