I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
