I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
