I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
