he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
