could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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