woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
