loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
