How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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