Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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