captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
