he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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