So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
