every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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