remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
