how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
