I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
