I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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