A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
