i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
