Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
