Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize