So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
