I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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