Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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