I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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