WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize