oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
