i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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