I think i peed on brittanys purse
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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