omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
