My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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