how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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