She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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