Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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