Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
