So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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