I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
