Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
