Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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