I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
