and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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