is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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