the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
