i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
