Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
