I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
