We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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