the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize