I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
