Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize