Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize