4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize