yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
