I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
His nipple licking is glorious
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