I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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