Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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