The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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