Sponge bath it is.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
