my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
