Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
